Putting Myself First: Do The Thing.
On Monday I did something new (ish). I started my new radio show.
Seriously, even writing that feels weird - who the HECK do I think I am!? A radio show?! Post show I am washed out with feeling silly, that inner voice of mean comes right into play and I feel almost embarrassed. I am sure it sounded unprofessional, terrible even. My friends and family tuned in live and listened along sending some lovely supportive messages as I was live.
Let me share with you what my inner critic said “your friends and family have to tell you nice things, you’re a bit cringe really, aren’t you?”
I almost wanted it to pass without people commenting, focus on this new thing that I wasn’t perfect at was making me feel uncomfortable.
Why am I sharing this with you? For sympathy? Attention? Nope - because if I feel this way after doing something new, the chances are some of you will feel similar feelings.
When we do things to out ourselves outside of our “normal” brings up so many thoughts we’re not used to, so many emotions that we don’t always class as “good” emotions. And this can be one of the reasons we don’t put ourselves first more.
So, when my inner critic tells me people are thinking “who the hell does she think she is?!” how should I respond? When I think I’ve made a public fool of myself - what should I do?
Acknowledge the feeling. Name it. “I am feeling a bit silly I put myself out there on a public platform”.
FEEL the feeling. So many times we feel uncomfortable things and we try and distract ourselves, or push ourselves to feel different, and we feel better right away for SURE. But all this does is push those feelings away so we don’t get to know or understand them. The more we feel those uncomfortable feelings and gently breathe into the feeling, the LESS they feel uncomfortable.
Wait for the feeling to pass - because it will. All feelings pass. Everything ends, everything. And how our feelings change is always a great reminder of this. This too shall pass.
Ask yourself, is there any part of this feeling that I can enjoy? I know, that feels almost ridiculous, but maybe there is a part of it you CAN enjoy. Maybe.
So, in 2023 I refuse to make myself small, despite my feelings trying to make me think otherwise. Believe me, my feelings are really trying to make me feel otherwise. Even writing this I can feel resistance, I can feel a part of me thinking “don’t put this out into the world! You’re foolish” but I’m choosing to ignore that.
The truth is, time passes by no matter if you put yourself first or not, the clock doesn’t stop because you head outside your comfort zone. It usually won’t end up on the front of the papers the next day.
So, what are you waiting for?
Until next time, L xx
