Putting Myself First: Part Nine.
Help me help you.
This week I’m talking about volunteering and helping others. Something I am doing more and more as a way to put me first. Wait, what? Doing stuff for others is putting YOU first?
Yep!
Does anyone remember that old Friends episode ‘The One Where Phoebe Hates PBS’ where Phoebe and Joey debate if a selfless good deed exists? Rachel says “Maybe all good deeds are selfish.”
Let’s start this by saying - altruism is good! Our world would be in a sad and bad place without it. Wikipedia tells us that “Altruism is the principle and moral practice of concern for happiness of other human beings or other animals.” I guess if you think that’s shit you should probably unfollow me!
When we do good things for others, we feel good - so it’s a mega win/win!
However doing good for others is nuanced - I was brought up being told that I had to be nice, always. Think of others feelings. Put others first. Be polite. Be sociable. Turn the other cheek. Al of these things are great - but not when they result in never putting myself first. It’s the main reason I started Putting Myself First More - because I have always been told the opposite. And by “told” I don’t mean I was sat down and told - I’m talking about the way our society treats women and young girls. I learned to behave, be kind and smile sweetly from society.
So, why did I decide to volunteer?
I believe in volunteering, I believe in community, and I believe in action.
I working in the Third Sector (charities) most of my working life, I know how it works - the good and the bloody awful. If you don’t know but want to learn more then I recommend the book “The Great Charity Scandal”. I know the lack of money at the grassroots VS the huge amount at the top - but I still believe in volunteering.
Community has to be at the heart of what I do - working for myself has taught me I THRIVE in communities.
We can sit and talk about what’s wrong in the world - but in order to make the change, we have to take action.
I LOVE my volunteer community. And I get so much from it, including a group of new pals.
Since joining I have also responded to people who need a little help - I am helping a small business owner with her social media, I am dog sitting tow dogs who aren’t mine, I am taking a friends daughter out lots in the summer holidays because she has to work.
I need to check in with myself before I say yes to these things - but even the ones that are causing a minor inconvenience are actually bringing something worthwhile to my life.
I guess if you want to feel great - do some great stuff to others. My ego LOVES it, the idea of making a difference within my local community at grassroots level excites me. I can’t give much money, but I can give myself a little.
A really good question could be “what change do we need in my local community?” and then the follow up question - “what grassroots action can I take to help that change?”
And then play around with the answer - I used to HATE the amount of dog poo left in the streets, I used to mona about it all the time, so I started picking one random extra poop up on walks.
The same with litter. We got some litter pickers and sometimes take them on walks.
The community feels and looks nicer, and I feel awesome and a little bit smug.
Until next week - L xx
Ps, the fear in putting this out there is real - my little brain asking “will people think I’m a total twat for sharing what a goodie two shoes I can be. Should I tell everyone some of the stuff I am rubbish at when it comes to being nice? Will someone be reading this thinking ‘I know you’re not like that Laura!?” But I am sharing this despite that voice, because this is my experience of doing stuff for others.
