Facing a difficult time.

This blog is less “how to” and more personal story. It’s my account of something that’s happened. I am sure if you ask others involved, they will have a different account, but here goes.

I am part of a voluntary group with links to my children’s school, I was invited (along with others) to join in and help out. I was delighted to do this - I love volunteering, the third sector and all things volunteer-led. We were told very little about the set up, I was led to believe this was a new group being formed and because I have led many volunteer groups and been a volunteer manager, I offered my advice and support where needed. I also asked questions.

Charities and businesses have to be run in a certain way, it’s the law. Nobody was being forthright with any information, and so I asked a few questions around this on the WhatsApp group. One member of the group wasn’t happy with my questions and would answer in a rude manner towards me - no big deal. I have had to have relations with many a person who was rude. Other people in the group saw her rudeness and felt scared of her, so would turn to me to ask questions on their behalf - why were they not being asked to help? Why were their ideas not being listened to? Why was it seemingly all about three core people and nobody else? I asked the questions.

I am a confident, outgoing, sociable and (I like to think) helpful person. So somehow I ended up being the spokesperson for the rest of the group, the the core 3 members were not happy. Over time I was lied to, manipulated, gaslit, and it became apparent, talked about a lot behind by back to other people connected to the school. They spread ideas about me that all I wanted to was take control and I made others feel bad about themselves. All of this was clear at an event in the school where five individual people (who I didn’t know) came to me less than happy about my behaviour.

Of course, I questioned my actions - I asked others - am I being mean? Making people feel less than? Trying to control everything? I knew in my hear that this wasn’t true - but the months of chipping away at me had taken confidence and self awareness. I became very anxious, especially around the school run, I was having sleepless nights, waking worried and pretty scared to see these women. A few people commented that they were bullying me. I certainly felt bullied.

On the bank holiday weekend, late at night, I had a blunt message from one of them. There were no pleasantries, no politeness, just a blunt question late in the evening. And I snapped. I started shaking, becoming upset and had a panic attack. I had to end this. And it wouldn’t end without facing them.

I spoke to the three women in question. I told them how I had felt because of their actions, and I asked them to stop. I explained they could message me if they were confused about a question I asked, they could come to my home and talk to me any time, but they were to stop talking about me to others, and assuming I was something I wasn’t just because I triggered something in them.

It felt brave, possibly the bravest thing I have done in a long time. Nobody knew I was doing it, it wasn’t premeditated, it was simply a woman who was broken by the actions of others asking them to stop. I was vulnerable, open, honest and desperate for the mess to end.

Out of the three, one apologised. I didn’t need their apology, I just needed them to stop talking about me behind my back. I needed the crazy bullshit to end.

Have they stopped? I don’t know. But they now know that I am a human being who is affected by the mean words of others.