WTF is happening to me…?
For around two years I’ve been overly anxious, and became quick to anger. For around a year I’ve been… different.
My on and off symptoms includes hair loss, weight gain, panic attacks, tiredness, irritability, lacking in patience, anxious , low mood , facial hair, loss of appetite, light headedness, brain fog, forgetfulness, random bursts of anger, feeling hot at night, heavier periods, infrequent periods, painful periods, bleeding between periods.
That’s to name a few. If you’re reading this thinking “OMG me too” then you aren’t alone. If you know any women in your life between the ages of 40 and 55 then you’ll be familiar with the symptoms.
I went to my GP about this the first time around 2 years ago, I wasn’t myself and I didn’t like it. He asked me what I though was wrong, I said maybe I had started peri-menopause, I waited for him to disagree, he simply said “if that’s what you’re thinking there’s a high chance you’re right.”
My bloods came back normal, I went back to my daily life as normal. Symptoms came and went, then came again and one day I found myself saying “I don’t care what I have to take to make this stop, I need it to stop” and I made another appointment with my GP.
This time we stopped at nothing to get a deeper understanding of what’s happening - you name the test, I have either had it or am waiting for it, internal examinations, scans, bloods, external examinations. This time the GP wants to rule everything else out before we are 100% certain it’s the perimenopause. But I am pretty sure it is, I’m (almost) 42, through the years of mindfulness practice, I know my body and how it works. My gut is telling me, it’s my time to go through this.
I’m not one to sit and wait, I take matters into my own hands (while trusting medical professionals) - I started to listen, read and talk to people about the perimenopause. Family members, friends, podcasts, news articles, books… And I found a LOT of horror stories, a lot. How awful it can me, how lonely it can feel, how
A bit like childbirth stories, women are keen to share their pains and the bad times. But you have to search for the positives. Like, really search, and then most of them are things that happen once you’re through perimenopause and into menopause. The “What To Do” section is full of the usual exercise, sleep, HRT, talk to a friend, eat well which is lovely advice until you’re in the middle of an anger rage rant at your partner because he didn’t put the dishes on the dish rack correctly.
The thing is, the symptoms aren’t the bigger issue, the issue is how we RESPOND to the symptoms. Brain fog is going to happen - but when we label ourselves “stupid” and get frustrated at the brain fog that’s when we have big issues.
Chin hair is gonna spirt - but when we call ourselves unattractive and start hating our faces that’s when we have issues.
What did I already know that helped impulsive reactions? What skills did I have that aided with frustrations and emotional responses to the things that were happening to me?
MINDFULNESS.
I have the skills, I just need to adapt them into my daily life and practice. Easy, right?
Hmmm, nothing is that easy, it takes a level of self esteem, dedication, time, self belief, skills, support and lots more things to maintain a healthy daily mindfulness practice, and things have to be adapted to suit a perimenopausal existance.
But I am doing it! And very soon I’ll share that with you so you can do it too. We’ll do it together, as a community.
Keep your eyes peeled to my social media and on here if you want to know more - I am excited!
Until next time, L xx
