Let me tell you a story…
Hello!
I’m feeling rather informal today, so roll with this one. I’m not sharing tips about anxiety, or any “how to” guides today, I want to talk about being inclusive.
When I was in Junior school (St Josephs RC School) my best friend was called Lisa - she and I are still pals, she is so lovely. She was at my house and we decided to ride our bikes around the block. My family wasn’t in any shape wealthy and so not having my own bike, I borrowed my sisters bike and off Lisa and I went. When we came back to the house my sister asked if she could have her bike and ride around with Lisa for a bit.
Off they went, and I sat at the top of the drive waiting for them to come back…. And they took HOURS. My best friend and my sister had run off playing without me. They had forgotten about me at the top of that drive waiting. For HOURS. I felt deflated. Worthless. Alone. And very sad.
Okay, it wasn’t hours, and they most certainly didn’t forget about me, they were probably having fun together - like kids do. But that feeling of being left behind and forgotten about has followed me all my life. Waiting at the top of the drive had an impact on me that echoes into today.
Obviously, as an adult I can totally understand where those feelings came from, and I can reason that they are a perception of something rather than fact. But sometimes our mind’s don’t work that way. So sometimes, when it seems like someone has forgotten about me or has taken off with a friend and not invited me - I feel the same feelings.
And sometimes I can handle that. And other times I can’t. Both times I am okay - because I have the tools to reason with myself and comfort myself. I have learned how to understand those feelings and how to work with them. But what about people who haven’t been privileged enough to learn those tools?
I guess that’s where the phrase “be kind to people, you never know what they are going through” comes in. The way we react as adults has a lot to do with the experiences we went through during our formative years - the things that make us feel worthless, jealous, anxious, sad and so on. And my small experience wasn’t even a bad one!
That experience also has had an impact on my adult life where I try so hard not to let anyone feel excluded. It’s interesting because in Part 3 of my Putting Me First blog I will dive more into feeling left out/unwelcome and how that has a huge impact on my business.
Emotional literacy as an adult is hard. And complex - and I guess the “point” of this blog is to highlight how such a small incident can have such an impact. I am sure it wasn’t the only time during that part of my life that I felt left out and not chosen, but it certainly left the loudest imprint on me.
Until next week, L xxx
(Interestingly, a few years ago in deep lockdown times I was accused of believing I was “too cool/ better than everyone else” to allow someone into a weekly zoom quiz with a group of friends. It broke me. The idea that someone thought I was ever too cool/better than other to not invite them to something was really upsetting. So those events can have a complex outcome too.)
