Over The Edge

I can be organised. Sometimes very organised.
Why? Because when I feel out of control and dis-organised I feel anxious and unsafe and I don’t like it. So I stay orgainsed. Sometimes.

This Autumn I became very organised when it comes to Christmas. All gifts were bought and wrapped before the 1st of December, I planned the hampers I’m making and when I am going to make it all. I planned and put things in the diary and made sure that things felt in control of and good. I even planned a little space for anything surprising that may come up.

So, my weekends could be full of family and friends time, and snuggles on the sofa, and Christmas films.

And it all felt amazing, really great. I even congratulated myself mentally a few times that everything was done.

And then I had a text from school suggesting we weren’t working hard enough on my daughters homework.

And it tipped my over an edge.

Because I read the text as a criticism on how I parent. And I hadn’t planned on that.

So, I did what I do when something tips me a bit, I cried, and I asked some friends for their support and advice. And I over thought the message. But this time I did something I don’t alway do - I replied with assertiveness and without emotion.

Because sometimes, things tip us over the edge, but the world doesn’t have to end the feeling of calm and control, we can cry, seek advice and be assertive. Those three things can all co-exist. When we have awareness.

This year I have focused hard on awareness, focus, calm and intention.

And, even though it didn’t feel good in the moment, overall it felt great.

Until next time, L xx