Putting me First: Part Four
Part Four, part one. Because it’s a pretty long story!
How the first time is usually the hardest.
In 2021 (which seems like a long time ago now) I talked a lot about wanting to swim more, specifically in the sea. I’ve always loved swimming, in the pool and in the sea when in warmer climates. I had this beautiful romantic idea of bobbing along in the waves.
Having travelled around the world a fair bit in my younger days I’ve managed to swim in the sea next to a lot of beautiful beaches. Nothing about it seemed hard or difficult. And I wanted more.
For Christmas 2021 my husband bought me a wetsuit, boots and gloves for swimming the the cold seas off the UK. Living in South Wales pretty near the beach means we have pretty good access to some stunning beaches which makes sea swimming possible.
On Christmas morning when I opened the wetsuit and bits I cried - I’ll explain why now.
When I had the girls in quick succession, I was living in a small village and I really didn’t know anyone. I had friends who I met through my husband, but no really close people who understood the isolation being a mother can give you. Every dream, idea, plan and goal was put behind me, totally subconsciously, because life was about the girls. So when they went to full time school life could start being about me more. But I know it’s hard to switch that mindset. I was 5 years into being a mum and every other part of life before then was a whisper in my memory. Add to that issues created by mum guilt and the patriarchal society we live in and it’s hard to break free.
So being gifted the wetsuit and bits was my husband telling me to go and bloody do it. He supported me. He saw me. And I cried out of the realisation that he saw me as more than his kids mum. It was touching, because I never saw myself as more than the girls mum. I had forgotten. He hadn’t.
I donned the suit and we headed out on New Years Day for a dip - I was buzzing to head in and finally feel the water! I could see myself splashing in all happy and excited… But so could around 1000000 other people. Apparently a New Years Day dip is a thing. A mega thing! And the waves were crashing super high, and it looked really cold. And despite sweating SO DAMN MUCH thanks to wearing the wetsuit and around three layers of clothes in a car with the heating on we went home. And I had a bath (not in the wetsuit.)
I wasn’t gutted, because I KNEW I would do it. I had all the gear (and zero idea).
Did we make it to the sea in January? Nope. Life got in the way, my husband started a new job and the kids were in school and work for me was busy and life was busy.
I was flicking through Facebook and I saw an advert for a Cancer Research - Spending 30 seconds or more in cold water every day in March. People could sponsor you for it. I signed up! It was a great way to gain some accountability and do something I wanted to do. Everyone is a winner!
Only I couldn’t just start in March, I needed some training, some idea of it all really - so one very cold February afternoon I dragged the whole family to the beach.
I didn’t check on the tide times (it was out. Far out.) Or the wind levels (it was VERY windy). I shoved on the wetsuit and walked, and walked, and walked on the beach until I was near the sea. The poor kids came too and brought a ball to kick about, but the wind took it and they all ran off after it.
In I started to wander… and as the wave touched my feet - I turned around and left the sea right away because IT WAS SO FLIPPING COLD.
I even uttered the words “I’m not doing this.” As I left. I wanted to just go home, it wasn’t for me this being in the cold water. I could sell the wetsuit. Cancer Research could get money from other things from me.
I saw the kids, still chasing the ball, and I couldn’t have dragged them all here for nothing. I turned around and walked back into the sea. It wasn’t nice. I walked in until the water was up to my chest. And with every step I told myself I could do it.
Why? Because I was doing this to raise money for Cancer Research. Cancer has affected my family in ways I won’t go into now, but in order for more research to happen it has to be paid for - and I needed to help.
It was cold, but once I was in for around two minutes, it was actually pretty amazing. I turned around to give the family a thumbs up, but they were still chasing the ball, and I think one of the kids had fallen face flat on the wet sand.
And so out I came and found my towel, hot water bottle, hot drink and warm clothes and I found my family and we headed back to the car. The kids were shivering cold and their faces full of snot, my husband was tired from chasing kids and trying to keep them warm and not have total melt downs. And me? I was smiling cos despite it being a bit of a fuss, I had done it. I’d bloody done it!
(Find out next week what happened next in my cold water journey).
