Putting Myself First: Part Ten
All about meditation.
I have been “into” mindfulness for many years - reading books, practicing and even taking a course to BE a teacher. Then running classes, advocating for mindfulness, and really loving the practice.
However - I have never been a fan of formless meditation. That’s the one where you sit in silence. I always believed I needed guided meditation. During a lovely drunk night with a friend he told me about his meditation class and how he knew I would love it. I hate being told what I would love - films, songs, classes. Tell me you think I will love it, and I ain’t going (stubborn much Laura!?) But, this felt like something I wanted to dive into, and so I did. I joined a 5 week meditation class and it honestly opened something that has always been there, but that I didn’t really know.
This isn’t all airy fairy, there is a huge amount of neuroscience in it, but the JOY I find in sitting with my own thoughts is a bit exciting. All that aside -
Let me tell you what meditation has given me it’s given me CHOICE.
And in the journey of putting yourself first more, there is a moment where you know that there is a certain level of choice we have in life.
Before I start - I am not talking about spiritual boss babe choices to earn more money, to be happier, to feel less, to get rid of our anxiety and to be 6 figure earning people. Especially at the moment - life is hard in the UK for lots of people. A possible recession is looming, interest rates are high, energy costs are rising and wages aren’t. I volunteer at my local food bank and I hear stories and see people who don’t have the choice to just work harder to earn more money.
So, what DO I mean? Being aware of mindless choices. And for me this is what it looks like -
Choosing to sit and scroll through social media when it stop being fun or informative.
Choosing to eat three packets of crisps.
Choosing to watch TV to fall asleep to.
Why are they mindless choices for me?
Scrolling through social media when it stops making me feel good/ informed is a habit that I picked up through boredom. Instead I could make a different choice by asking myself what I want to do in the moment of boredom and doing something that makes me feel GOOD.
Eating three packets of crisps mindlessly because they are there and I feel bored/ hungry/ frustrated/ tired actually makes me feel bad in the long run - I don’t eat dinner with my family because I am full, the kids don’t have snacks and so I have to buy more. Instead I could make a different choice by thinking about what I REALLY want to eat and eating it mindfully.
Watching TV until I drop off asleep is another habit that never served me well. I would wake with the TV blaring and it would disrupt my sleep. That’s not good rest. Instead I could choose to read in bed until my eyes feel tired and then roll over and sleep.
The CHOICES are there for the small things that make me feel good - I just was far too busy and manic to realise I had choices at all.
And that’s what meditation gives me. The space to connect to who I am and what I want and need. But not just this - the space to really choose if the things I am doing are the right things FOR ME. And that’s huge - because we live in a world where we are influenced by so much of the outside world. I mean, there is literally a JOB called influencer on the places we hang out the most - social media! They are paid to influence how to think, feel, act, spend, live!
So, through taking the time to sit with myself really works for me to make choices that are right for me.
No magic.
No secret.
Nothing that costs £££.
Just good old sitting in silence with the intention of getting to know me more.
Until next time - L xx
