Sitting with your feelings
One of the things I touched upon last time was feelings around shame.
Ironically, the afternoon after I wrote that I crashed into my neighbors car. His lovely, posh, Jaguar which was parked outside my house, me the back of my Ford C max with a bump and a crunch. I made a mistake while parking, I misjudged the space, I caused a crash.
Right on time, into my mind flooded shame, embarrassment, fear, upset.
Tuesday afternoons are busy for me, my two daughters have Rainbows club, and I take their friend home from school and to Rainbows. We have 20 minutes to get all three changed, give them space to eat a snack, then a quick loo and shoes on before we head out to Rainbows. The girls are silly, hyped up after school, excited about their club, thrilled to be together. I usually perform the time with total military precision.
I couldn’t head to see my neighbor because I had three girls to get to a club on time. Plus, I was not thrilled by the thought of owning up to my mistake. “He would hate me” I told myself. Thoughts of him muttering “typical woman driver” entered my head. I called my husband, he said what’s done is done and “that’s why we have insurance”.
The neighbor wasn’t in.
I took the girls to Rainbows, and then went to do a food shop.
All this time, I allowed the feelings to swirl around. Shame, fear, upset, embarrassment. I wanted to buy a massive cake and eat it in the car to make me feel better. I didn’t.
Once the girls were picked up and taken home (and two out of three had HUGE emotional melt downs in the car) I had a good old cry, I let the feelings out. My girls hugged me and offered me a blanket and a cup of tea.
The evening went on, the issue was sorted (the neighbor was told) and the kids went to bed. I had the urge to drink a huge glass of wine. I didn’t.
You know what happens with you sit with your feelings? You feel them. And they pass.
But, also, so much more. You LEARN about your feelings, you recognize them, you become aware of them, and you understand them more. You understand they are yours, they are feelings, they are something you experience rather than something that happens to you.
The more we practice something, the easier it gets. Because, we understand it more.
I heard a podcast recently someone say that we’re all humble when we live a life inside our comfort zone. When we live that life, without learning, growth or challenge we can say “hey, I’m really good at this! I’m so Zen! I’m mega calm.” But when we do things that are out of the norm, we find new emotional responses, new ideas and ways to grow.
Until next time, L xx
