MARKED - URGENT
Anyone else get into a state of thinking that everything is urgent? I do! And so to combat those feelings (after a period of rest which has been glorious and enabled me to take a step away from the urgent feelings) I thought I would go through them all and try and unpick the scenarios where URGENT is more a felling than the truth.
1) Friends.
I started with this one because I have just replied to a message from a friend that was sent before 2023 started. My friends totally understand (and don’t judge) if they don’t hear from me regularly. And I them. BUT - sometimes I can slip into wanting to be the “good friend” - which means being accessible to them always. Insert shaking head here. You know what makes a good friend to you, you know who you have that mutual equal supportive vibe and who doesn’t. Rest assured if someone doesn’t want to be your friend because it takes you a week or two to reply to a casual message - your friendship needs are different. (NOTE - if a friendship feels one sided it’s worth having a chat with that friend and airing your feelings.)
2) Work.
Part of my work is with businesses supporting staff at grassroots level to fell less stressed, and one of the things I often talk about, is prioritising. Everyone who needs you to do something for them needs it yesterday - and so you know who and what needs putting at the top of the list. Much like my last blog I highly recommend putting 15 minutes aside before the working day, and after lunch to ground yourself, breathe and set some intentions before you start looking at emails/ working on projects. Put it in your diary so nobody can add meetings at that time. Everyone thinks their project is urgent - not everything is.
3) Birthdays/ anniversaries/ special dates.
Last year one of my close friends remembered my birthday. The other 3-4 didn’t, they forgot. In the past I would have been mortified with this fact - I would have used this to prove to myself that I am worthless. This would have backed up so many negative thoughts I used to have about myself. But, it was an (almost) non-event, because my self worth is not rooted in other people remembering a date. My friendships are solid, if it were important to me that I have my friends remember, I would have told them in advance. My point here? Remembering special dates is lovely, but not remembering them is human. Let’s try not to make ourselves feel shitty because we HAVE TO send the PERFECT card on the RIGHT DAY!
4) Relationships.
My relationships are precious to me, but sometimes, the most urgent relationship I need to address, is the one with myself. Sometimes, I urgently need to spend some time with my husband, and so we carve out a date night. 2022 for me was focused on the relationship with myself more than any other year in a long time. I tried things I had always longed to, I spent time on the things that bring me joy, and I worked hard on my mental health. I prioritised that over other relationships - and it made those relationships stronger because I had a clearer sense of who I was and how grounded I was. It’s sometimes not all about them, and all about you.
Having this time of rest has reminded me that rest is needed to gain perspective - and so I am already looking at taking a week off to rest more. And DAMN it feels good!
Until next time, L xx
